kitchen_maid | Keep Meg & Amy From Cooking Party

Keep Meg & Amy From Cooking Party

There are streamers over the door and glitter is flung generously (if randomly) about over countertops. (To be on the safe side, the girls have used edible glitter, like that on the cookies they handed out as invitations.)

There are large signs posted above the stoves and ovens with picture of Meg and Amy and the words "NOT ALLOWED" in large and bright red letters below them.

It can only mean one thing.

There's a party in the kitchen, and someone has got to keep these girls from cooking.

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Asar-Suti looked at Gil, almost alarmed. "Doctor Lecter and this horde - not a good combination. Didn't he occasionally eat rude people?" he said.

Asar-Suti had less of a problem with the fact that Dr. Lecter was reputedly a cannibal than other people had - the vampires killed for food as well, didn't they?

"It's is evening for specials - which is wh I came. I mean, why I came here now to look for you. To ask what you'd like to do when you get off tonight because he is cooking?"

"Don't see how I can really, Sooty," Gil said. "All these people wandering about - salmonella, e coli, botulism too I shouldn't be surprised. Have you seen anyone wash their hands? I haven't... and people are sitting on the food preparation tables. I'll be applying anti-germ charms all night."

"No sitting around on a beach drinking rum, then, for us tonight, is there?" Asar-Suti said, finding it rather selfish of all these people.

"Can I help you catch any loose salmonella, at least?"

Gil gives a secret little smile then looks over his shoulder at Sooty. "That'd be grand, Soots," he says. "I knew I could count on you."

"With enough coffee inside, I can keep going all night, as you know," Asar-Suti grinned. "And I see you're making it. So, what does a salmonellum look like? Is it anything like a cockroach?"

"Naaah, more like a squid (http://www.nature.com/news/2001/011025/images/salmonella_160.jpg)," Gil says. "Only," he makes his voice tiny, "very very small."

"Oh," Asar-Suti said. "How small, exactly?"

"About ," Gil says.

"But then it will be very hard to see; how are we supposed to hunt them?" Asar-Suti asked, perplexed.

"oy - oy," Gil waved his hands. "You're a god, duh! Can't you do the all seeing eye biz? then smack 'em with a tiny fly swat?"

"I could," Asar-Suti said. "But what's so bad about them, small as they are? It's not as if they were huge icky cockroaches."

"Well they get inside you by sticking to food then they all get busy having lots of sex and lots of babies and all the debris from the partying makes you sick and gives you the galloping squits and can kill you if you're weak or not well. Nasty little bastards, they are."

Gil shakes his horns. "Think I'd best rustle up an anti-food poisoning charm."

"You mean, they're these germ things some people from Earth are so terribly afraid of? Like viruses?" Asar-Suti asked. "Instead of looking for them, we really should put up something of a germ-killing charm in a field that holds out for a bit."

Then he thought a bit, and said, "But weren't other germs used to make yoghurt or cheese?"

"That's the problem," Gil says. "Kill all the germs and that's almost as bad. We could put up a ward that kills everything smaller than say a micron but then we'd all get fungal infections that, honestly Sooty, I'd sooner not talk about in a kitchen. We need to be selective."

"Fungal infections? Oh, I don't want any mushrooms growing on me," Asar-Suti said. "Putting up specialised wards that only help against certain germs might be difficult, but doable. And better than all these people getting sick from salmonella bonking inside them."

"I'll bang together a potion. It's a standard and I can just mist it over everything that goes out of the kitchen tonight. it won't interfere with the taste unless you're a - oh Gods. Hannibal! With his palate he'd be able to taste it. Oh well, a potion for the ordinary food and a specialised ward for his. "

"Oh yes, he'd be so terribly furious..." Asar-Suti mused. "He is very exacting. Brilliant enough so he carry i off, too."

"Not much I can do about it now," Gil said. "They'll have to take their chances. At least Meg has proved she can survive anything and I expect the other one is equally resilient. Hannibal had better watch his step."

"I really don't want to imagine what would happen to the kitchen if those two seriously got onrong sides of each other," Asar-Suti mused.

"Well bye bye kitchen for a start," Gil said. "But that wouldn't matter because the Bar would provide."

"I quite like the kitchen," Asar-Suti said. "I like being here and have tea or coffee with you, or have new recipes tested on me."

"I was only talking theoretically," Gil assured him. "I like the kitchen too and if there wasn't one they wouldn't need kitchen staff and what would Boromir and Mr Wolf and Penny and Petunia do then? I could go home. they couldn't."

Asar-Suti nodded, knowing exactly what Gil meant; he'd come to care for the Bound people that worked for him in the garden as well.

"I'm sure there'd always be things to do for Boromir," he said aloud, "but Mr. Wolf and the ladies really need to work in the kitchen and nowhere else."

"I dunno. Spect they could turn their hands to most things if they wanted but the kitchen's handy for them." Gil turns with a tray laden with tea coffee and items of confectionery. "Shall we go and have these by the fire?"

"Sounds like a good idea," Asar-Suti said. "Should we put up wards and potions first so people don't get invaded by sex-hungry salmonella?"

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